Ok that was a lie. I do think I’m a failure sometimes.
Failure is just a word, you can call it whatever you want: stupid, ugly, socially inapt, potato, a not-good enough person. There might be hundreds of synonyms for “failure”.
What is failure?
Here is a definition according to the Business Dictionary:
Event in which any part of an equipment or machine does not perform according to its operational specifications.
The first word is attractive: event. Failure is an event, not a person.
What do we INTERPRET when we hear the word “failure”?
You’re such a failure = You suck at life, and you’re a loser.
From now on I will write “failure” in quotation marks to differentiate it from the real definition of failure.
That makes a big difference; failing sometimes is ok, but failing in LIFE ?!? By that we mean that at some point in your lifetime, a piece of paper will fall from the sky right into your face. Guess what? It’s your life grade.
Some people get an A+, others receive an F- and below.
Actually it makes me a bit sad that we tend to rate people like that. Because it creates a sort of tension: that you NEED to be strong enough, beautiful enough, acceptable enough. In other words, the total opposite of “failure”.
Right, so I’m still a “failure”. What do I do now?
First: ask yourself if it’s really going to help you if you think that way.
The more you believe you’re a “failure”, the more you’re going to act as if you were a “failure”.
Strangely, when I tell myself I’m not good enough, all I want to do is procrastinate on the internet and eating Kit Kat bars until my eyes are tired and my face looks like I haven’t slept for a week. Then I’ll look at the mirror and point to myself: “Ha ha, I knew you were a failure!“.
It’s like I’m trying to do everything in order to CONVINCE myself that I am in fact, a “failure”.
But what if we turn things the other way around? What if you told yourself that you’re a person who can be good at drawing? Here are some other examples:
- I’m good at being kind
- I think I have a good culture in books
- I have my own style
It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. Because, how could you tell the truth? That’s when we move on to the next part:
Second: do it.
People tend to believe what they know.
They also tend to know what they believe.
And that can be a problem because we can’t be so sure of everything. So if someone told you: explain me, why are you a “failure”? Maybe you would argument by saying: I’m socially anxious, or I’m very slow at understanding. That is your proof. So you believe it.
But what if you made something else to disprove your statement?
I’m not sure if we should first believe and then make, or vice-versa. But these two actions might be a good blend.
Current mood: I’m not a “failure”. I’m a person who doesn’t give up. And here’s my proof: I have failed many times, and I’m still here. I’m still finding new ways to continue my daily habits. And this may not sound true, but I’m doing a little bit everyday and it seems like I’m slowly changing my initial belief.