Why social media is good at distracting us

26_shyrious_socialmedia

Not that there’s something wrong with social media. But why is it becoming an addiction?

1- The No Ending Scroll Button

Glorify UX design, for making things so simple.

Now there’s no need to click on a thousand links to have information.

You just need to swipe your thumb. And that’s it: the power of scrolling.

A cute song called “Scroll”: 

Scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll

Oh wait it’s 2 AM

Scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll

Oh no, this will never end. 

2- Envy

As human beings, it’s easy to compare ourselves to others. Social media is not doing much to help us out of this situation.

He went on vacation. Wow. She posted a sublime profile picture. Wow. They’re living the good life. Wow. But what about m…m…me?

Pictures are just a façade, and we do not get to enter the behind-the-scenes. No one’s life can be absolutely perfect.

3- Cling Cling Notifications

Let’s assume the sound of a notification is “cling”.

And one day your phone suddenly goes crazy with all its “cling cling cling cling”.

Someone has tagged you in a picture! 

Someone has commented your profile!

There’s a form of reward, the so-called Instant Gratification. We want surprise and we want to feel good about ourselves.

4- FOMO

Fear Of Missing Out. Maybe everyone is aware of something you don’t.

I want to know what is going on !!!!!!!!!!

Twitter: check me.

5- Just boredom

You have your phone. You’re tired of Candy Crush. But the Instagram app is shining and waiting for you. Yeah, it wants you to click on it. If you didn’t, what would you do? Stare at the ceiling? Do nothing? That’s so old-fashioned nowadays.

Instagram: come on, I’ll help you to procrastinate!

These are the main reasons why I don’t go so often on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter anymore (i don’t have Snapchat). Not that I hate social media. I even wanted to be a community manager once in my life. But I found out I could waste my time in more useful ways than just scrolling pictures forever and ever (…and ever).

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The Paradox of Getting Motivated

25_shyrious_motivationI used to solely rely on motivation.

I feel like writing today. Let’s write. Hope I’ll get motivated to write again tomorrow“.

Later, I discovered this strategy was fragile, because motivation doesn’t stay forever. So I switched to developing habits instead.

Everyday after taking my shower, I’ll write at least one paragraph“.

This worked for me. But there are still times when I feel like giving up. Times when anxiety and negative thoughts pop up.

I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m feeling lost. I’m afraid I won’t persevere“.

Ironically, these thoughts helped me to get back up again.


I’ll call this: The Paradox of Getting Motivated

An experiment: next time you feel unmotivated, just lay down on the couch doing nothing. No smartphone, no TV, just your body and your consciousness.

Boredom will probably let your thoughts flow and you may ask yourself:

What I’m I even doing here? lol

What am I? What do I want?

What is the meaning of life?

Doing nothing lets you reflect on deep thoughts. 

You also have self-help books and inspirational quotes. They can give you optimism. But can they pull you by the hand to get you up? No. The only person who can command your brain to do it, is yourself.


I used to consider these “I’m not feeling it” moments as bad.

But actually, these pauses can be quite helpful.

That is, if you use them to reflect.

This is a signal to consider your goal (what do I really want?), your skills (am I getting better?) and your strategy (how am I gonna get it?). 

Revaluing is an important part of the process, if you want to achieve something.

What if you didn’t revalue?

  • You would blindly follow your destination without knowing you’re headed the way you want: Why am I doing this?
  • There will eventually be times when you feel like giving up, but you wouldn’t ask yourself: Why am I not feeling like it?

In other words, improvement would be slower.

Therefore my aim is to accept INFI (I’m Not Feeling It), because I want to understand it. We’ll take a slow walk together, hand in hand. We’ll discuss the matter. Then we’ll make a deal.

Me: See you later.

INFI (I’m Not Feeling It): Ok, let’s see if your new strategy works.

My relationship with social anxiety

socialanxiety

This is a story about my feelings towards social anxiety (= nervousness in social situations).

I was six years old, and it was the first day of primary school. Holding my mum’s hand, I cried and it was awkward, because I was the only sad person. The other children were already playing and talking to each other. When my mum had to go, it felt like a catastrophe: “Nooooooo !!!! Don’t leave me !!!” (I didn’t shout it though, it was only in my head).

That was the day I discovered that I was a bit different…I didn’t approach my classmates. I was very silent, and very scared as well. Eventually, this image of myself was kind of negative…I didn’t make friends.

What a coward…I would’ve liked them to approach me. Taking the first step was too frightening to me.

But no one really came to me, and yeah…time passed.

Some teachers eventually noticed my shyness, and contacted my parents. I was sent to a psychologist; after a few drawings and playing with modelling clay, nothing serious was going on from the doctor’s perspective.


At ten years old I finally gained courage; a superb willpower emerged, and I started to talk to others. An immense joy rushed inside of me when I finally knew what it meant to have friends. It might have been the most exciting day of my life.

Still, I was reserved and unable to defend myself. Because I feared people’s reaction. I had this shy/serious image since childhood and to change that all of a sudden in front of everyone?? No, impossible. Wouldn’t it be weird if I broke the image I endured for so many years?


So my shyness continued, and worsened in adolescence. I used to follow a group of girls without really talking to them. I didn’t know how to engage a conversation, and the times I tried, I just wanted the whole world to forget me because it felt so very awkward. Eventually, I came to realise after a discussion that I wasn’t welcomed.


I could’ve just gone and spent my free time alone, reading a book or whatever. Honestly, it wouldn’t bother me. But truth be told, I was a coward: what would people think if they saw me alone? I didn’t want them to have pity.

But I was seriously thinking about this possibility, until the girls gave me a second chance. And…I took it. Well…I felt even more stressed because: 1) I didn’t want to disappoint them and 2) I feared rejection.

So I became a bit more talkative, but it felt forced.

Like, I was asking questions just for the sake of opening my mouth.

I just wanted to be accepted. 

There’s something very wrong with my personality, I thought.


Friends. Teachers. Psychologists. Parents. Cousins. Children. Adults.

How does the world view you? Does it know you better than you know yourself?


Thankfully we live in an era where we can have online resources. I know I’m not the only one having this problem. Being shy is not the problem, as it can also bring advantages such as modesty.

Social anxiety, to the point where people’s judgement are the top priority, is the problem. It makes me believe that we can do something about it, like spreading awareness.

There are many things I regret about my childhood, and they all have to do with social anxiety.

Do you also have a personal story that you would like to share?

Why working hard scares me

23_shyrious_hardworkYou might have come across the following advice:

If you want to succeed, there’s no magical method: you just need to work hard.

Yes, work hard. Sounds pure, and honest, and adventurous, right?

Then I looked at myself and…

I’M SO LAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY !!!!!” I shouted as I broke the mirror with my fist.

UGH. I CAN’T WORK HARD BECAUSE I HATE THE EXPRESSION “WORK HARD“, PROBABLY BECAUSE I’D RATHER BE DOING CARTWHEELS ALL AROUND MY HOUSE AND I DON’T CARE ANYMORE……………..<(`^´)>

*calms herself down*

But really…

What is the meaning of hard work?


  • Let’s first look at the definition of “hard”:

great effort, energy, or persistence

from dictionary.com

  • Now, if we look up “work”:

effort directed to produce or accomplish something

from dictionary.com

Effort. Working hard = putting effort.

As a self-called lazy person, I guess that’s why I’m not feeling super motivated when I tell myself: “I need to work hard“. Because I know there’s going to be pressure. And also, I’ve been trapped by the implication that if you don’t work hard, you’re:

somewhat of a failure.

In my opinion, working hard is kind of connected to the idea of willpower and motivation. These are really helpful attributes. And I admire people who endure and exceed expectations because their dream is the top priority and they would do anything to achieve it.

However, that puts a big question mark: am I like these people? should I? am I not putting enough effort?

Then I find myself stuck in the vortex of self-doubt.

How hard should I be working?

If I procrastinate, that’s bad.

If I do sufficient work, that’s not enough.

If I do more than sufficient work, that’s not enough. I should be doing more.

When will it be enough? 


That’s why I’m afraid of hard work, because I always feel like I’m not working hard enough. I should aim higher and higher and higher, but I don’t know when I’ll reach the summit. Actually, I don’t even know if there’s a summit, after all.

The expression “work smart” seems kinder to me.

  • The definition of smart:

clever, witty, or readily effective

from dictionary.com

The word “effort” doesn’t appear. For someone who finds it hard to deal with pressure, that’s cool. When you’re clever, you can achieve many things:

  • Visualise your working plan, and determine what you’ll do if you fail
  • Find ways to work more efficiently without having to spend a lot of time

I think it’s possible to not work hard and still have big dreams, and actually achieving them. And that is by smart working.

When melancholy and happiness collide

22_shyrious_melancholy

I love rain.

I love the sound of raindrops, the grey sky and the howling wind. Do you as well?

But the funny thing is that this kind of weather is meant to illustrate sadness.

I would call it a reassuring sadness.

The bad weather tells you that you’re not alone. There’s a deep, emotional connection between both of you.

You could go out with your favorite umbrella. Or you could stay at home and observe the street from your bedroom window.

The rain won’t leave you.

It feels like you’re not the only one feeling sad.


We are generally driven by the pursuit of happiness. We want love, a meaningful job, great values and friendships that will lead us to be happy.

So, is the desire to be sad even possible?

As strange as it seems, sadness might seem to heal. Crying helps. There’s nothing wrong with being weak; we’re just human beings after all.

Melancholy makes you think. It makes you look into yourself, and the world that surrounds you.

So it’s not a bad thing after all.

What if there was a link between happiness and sadness?

I used to think that happiness was the elimination of sadness, but now I’m not so sure…

Because every time I feel sad, it makes me more conscious of life’s fragility, and that leads to gratitude.

Gratitude is linked to happiness. So after wiping my eyes and nose, I become…happy.


If you feel sad, an advice would be to explore your sadness. Yes, it’s more crude and pessimistic than “Cheer up!“, but it can help. Analyse why you’re feeling that way. Write it in a journal. Go for a walk and observe the trees. Cry. Run. Make a silly dance. Then take a nap.

Looks like reassuring sadness is waiting.

It’s a great goal to be happy, but I think we should also recognize that melancholy is closely linked to it.

If you’re feeling emotional, here’s a cool animation from the School of Life (an awesome video):

Diaries are cool: the purpose of self-writing

21_shyrious_diaryWriting a diary is cool. But it’s not something you get to proudly shout. I mean, you wouldn’t put in your resume: “Best skill: Diary writing“. People would rather say: “I wrote a novel” or “I own a blog“. But “I own a diary ?????” like who’s gonna read it anyway.

Well, there’s no need to be ashamed if you own a diary. Because writing, even if it’s not meant to be read by others, is also writing.

So, what is the purpose of self-writing? What are the benefits?

1- Reflection

It’s quite reassuring to let your ideas flow on a piece of paper.

That’s why I consider writing as a form of meditation. During a few minutes, you’re only focusing on one thing: your mind.

Main question: what are you thinking about?

2- Memories

Dear Diary, today I went to Disneyland. And cried on the rollercoaster“.

The main stereotype of the diary is that it is sequenced in time; first you write the date, then “dear xxx“, then you relate your journey.

When you’re afraid of forgetting an event, you can easily reference it by writing on your journal.

Main question: what did you do today? 

3- You need a friend

When you feel alone, your diary is always there. It’s great to confess your feelings to close relations. But if you’re too ashamed to open up, or people are too occupied with other duties, you have the possibility to express yourself to…yourself. Although it will feel like you’re communicating to the open world. You even have the right to explode nonsense with really bad handwriting; your diary won’t judge.

Main question: do you want a hug?

4- Personal development

Wow. I’m almost finishing my diary that I’ve been writing for about two months. The next thing I’ll do is read it, with a cup of earl grey tea.

This is a recommended advice. The aim is not to say “Wow this should turn into a published autobiography ’cause my life is so great”. 

The aim is to realise that: “Wow. I’ve changed“.

Then you’ll be conscious of how a small period of time (say, a month), has shaped you into the person you are today. The days themselves may seem like a routine. But if you zoom out, you have a whole perspective of your life, values, and dreams. The diary can be your self-camera.

Main question: who were you in the past and who are you now?

Honesty can be at your advantage

shyrious_honesty19I’m currently reading the manga series Liar Game, which deals with psychology and drama. In short, the characters have to play a tournament that involves money (if you lose you’re in debt); and as you might guess, there’s a lot of trickery.

That’s why I find the protagonist so interesting, because she’s the most honest person you could think of.

Nao Kanzaki is gullible, not very bright, cries a lot, is easily fooled in the beginning, BUT

this is also her strength.


Maybe I love her because I also see a bit of myself in her. I’m kinda bad at lying, and I can be easily fooled. This is the external image I give.

The world is cruel, you have to be aware of it” – mum’s words.

So many crimes. So many tentations. People cheat. People lie. Your brother just borrowed your crumpled bill in Monopoly without you even noticing.

Ok. After all, the world is truffled with obscureness and greed. We see it on the television news, on social media…doesn’t it look like humans are naturally bad?

Because of that, it seems logical to defend yourself. Have a shield. The law of the jungle is as follows: survival of the fittest. But if you’re weak, then…too bad for you.


Actually…you can survive.

Because honesty and gullibility, although viewed as flaws in a cruel world, have their own underrated powers.

Let’s list some of them:

  • If you’re honest, you are fair in your principles and actions. You’re likely to be viewed as a humble person. There’s no pretension, which is cool.
  • People are more likely to trust you.
  • You have faith in people’s actions. You trust others (+ humanity as a whole).
  • Some people like to use your weakness for their own needs? Rest assured, because it might be easier to SURPRISE THEM, as they think you’re too gullible and you will do everything they tell you.
  • Isn’t it funny? The people who laughed at your gullibility, are themselves gullible next to you!
  • You can win at games, by ACTING gullible (like Nao Kanzaki)
  • At the end of the day, truth trump lies.

oh and i also love akiyama btw